tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848384635452554453.post6452574853356236387..comments2024-01-03T06:55:14.493-05:00Comments on Writerly Rejects: Entry #15 The Rejectshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718181520456876346noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848384635452554453.post-48754710126368223182012-09-12T23:00:48.361-04:002012-09-12T23:00:48.361-04:00Really great tagline! And I think the opening tex...Really great tagline! And I think the opening text is nearly flawless as well - I'm really grounded in the setting. I like the first line, although I would like to know a few more details about who Ian is and what his relationship with the narrator is. Maybe a teensy explanation about why she is so ticked at him? And why she goes?<br /><br />Great dialogue. I'd love to learn more about these characters. Good luck!Sara Birenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00232407986912820233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848384635452554453.post-3340012206647832682012-09-10T19:55:09.964-04:002012-09-10T19:55:09.964-04:00I've seen this before (in contests) and I alwa...I've seen this before (in contests) and I always like the premise (and title!) :) I think the tagline works and it looks like a fun read.<br /><br />Good luck :)<br />Leslie (#2)LH27https://www.blogger.com/profile/17721514278620620201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848384635452554453.post-49656692368757983602012-09-10T17:51:14.776-04:002012-09-10T17:51:14.776-04:00I love your premise. Your tagline is good. And I l...I love your premise. Your tagline is good. And I like the voice you have going in this. I'd really like to read more!<br /><br />(from Laurie, entrant #13)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848384635452554453.post-70140461168193318392012-09-10T17:22:00.854-04:002012-09-10T17:22:00.854-04:00I love the tagline. The only word I might snip is ...I love the tagline. The only word I might snip is the word "artist". I'm not really sure if it's relevant to the stakes that you brilliantly articulate.<br /><br />I love the opening dialogue. It really worked with such a strong voice. I love the visual of the teacher spitting. It gave me a flashback of a teacher I had like that. LOL! <br /><br />I'd read more :)<br /><br />Well done!<br />Ella Schwartzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16500441132392327703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848384635452554453.post-48533044737353933902012-09-10T14:47:13.586-04:002012-09-10T14:47:13.586-04:00Love it! The voice is really good in both the tagl...Love it! The voice is really good in both the tagline and the first 250. I get an mental image of the MC from the get-go. I'd definitely read more.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12668397125356949829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848384635452554453.post-70299943064524409472012-09-10T12:03:23.362-04:002012-09-10T12:03:23.362-04:00sorry, that comment above was me, judy mintz.sorry, that comment above was me, judy mintz.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848384635452554453.post-30525466809044017762012-09-10T11:38:08.312-04:002012-09-10T11:38:08.312-04:00Looks great. I'm interested. I'm not sure ...Looks great. I'm interested. I'm not sure why the student is telling her where to sit, though, and I don't like starting a book feeling a little confused.<br />Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13193425416131724194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848384635452554453.post-22538266018334436722012-09-10T11:10:53.323-04:002012-09-10T11:10:53.323-04:00Love your tagline. Wouldn't change a word.Love your tagline. Wouldn't change a word.Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.com