Thursday, October 17, 2013

#19 SHATTERED - NA Fantasy

Name: Tiffanie Lynn
Genre: NA Fantasy

75 word pitch:
Eighteen-year-old Dawn’s no thief, yet she’ll have to be if she wants to save her sisters from becoming demon chow. She’s tasked with stealing a powerful charm capable of releasing an imprisoned succubus—but first she’ll have to get past its steamy guardian, Kalan. Dawn discovers Kalan has his own agenda, though, and seducing her is the first step in his plan.

First 500 words: 
Don’t look, Dawn. You know what happens when you look.
I looked up. It was inevitable. When you tell yourself not to do something, you usually do the exact opposite.
The park vendors swarmed me like a pack of rabid dogs. Their voices tore into me, snarling off sales pitches.
“A beautiful necklace for a beautiful—”
“Would you like a subscription to The Vigrith—?”
“Mini glow-in-the-dark helicopters for sale! Buy ‘em by the dozen.”
“What? No. Why the hell would I want twelve glowing helicopters?”
I didn’t wait for a reply. I walked as fast as I could without drawing attention. Luckily, the tiny carts were only set up at one entrance to the park. Turning into a large clearing, I glanced around for Cassie before settling at an empty picnic table.
Unfortunately, I didn’t find one in the shade. The heat was bearable, but the sun had me worried. Ultraviolet rays plus white girl equaled a burn no amount of aloe vera could soothe. Hey, at least I had a gorgeous view...
Who was I kidding?
One half of the park had a dried-up garden with a statue of the plump Lady Fredericton; the other side had a few trees, twice as many picnic tables and a pathetically empty sand pit—
Power washed over me, rushing into my lungs like water. I gasped, my vision blurring. Stupid. I’d been stupid. Letting my mental barriers down was the epitome of stupid. The intruder left almost as soon as they came, but I still sensed them.
I threw up my shield before searching. All I’d felt was curiosity, but underneath that was a staggering amount of power. No one I knew in Vigrith was that strong. I scanned the area with my mind, jumping from person-to-person. Even with so-called control issues, I could find an immortal without causing too much damage to those around me.
Everyone in the park was human. The people wandering the sidewalks were human, too. I jumped to the minds across the street, scanning until I found him. I knew it was him, just as I knew he was veiled from human eyes and standing under the awning of the flower store, Alyssums to Zinnias.
When I opened my eyes, the world came back with a crushing weight. It pushed me to the ground. The sun was too bright; the morning breeze raked across my skin; the smell of roses and sweat clogged my nose. I heard every conversation nearby and hundreds of pounding heartbeats. They all melded together into one overpowering super sense. It lasted for only a moment, an endless moment, before I could shut it off. The noises and smells faded. I felt the soft prickle of grass against my face.
I sat up. Ah, crap. A dozen people were staring at me. Rule Number One of Being Inhuman: Don’t draw attention to yourself. My sisters had drilled the rules into my head since I could walk. Things like: “Don’t move too fast, Dawn” or “Don’t respond out loud to people’s thoughts, Dawn” or, my favorite, “Don’t bench-press the neighbor's Mini Cooper, Dawn.”

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