Monday, September 10, 2012

Entry #17

NAME: Kimberly Lynn Workman

TITLE: Heaven and Hell Alike

GENRE: Paranormal Fantasy

TAGLINE: When God goes AWOL, righteous demon Liam and angelic lover Mikael become pawns in the battle for Heaven. Victory means losing everything they've built together.


When Liam took over the body of a railroad worker fifty years ago, he hadn't realized he'd suffer from caffeine withdrawal every morning. But at the time he couldn't be picky. And if he had to make sure he had a steady supply of coffee to get through his day, it was a small price to pay.

Liam was back on his Harley after only five hours of sleep, heading through Davenport, Wyoming to find the local diner. He'd promised to meet Sid on his way through town, but that was something he was regretting now.

As he rounded the next block, the weather-worn sign for Davenport Diner came into view. Liam headed toward the far right of the parking lot, safely away from the crowd of cars. He'd rather not be forced to do harm to some fool who scratched his bike, even by accident. The altercation in Stewart was still fresh in his mind and he didn't have the desire for a repeat.

Shutting off the engine, Liam removed his helmet and watched Sid cross the cracked, gray pavement. Unlike himself, Sid looked like his early morning had been filled with sugar or illegal substances. Knowing Sid's usual activities, it was more likely he hadn't even been to bed yet.

“I need coffee,” Liam said, his voice deep from lack of use. “Drag me out here way too early and then you're all hyper. Something's wrong with your head.”

Sid plastered on a wide grin and gave a shrug. “You always said we've got to be crazy in our line of work, boss. I'm just living up to my reputation.”


  1. I really like your opening sentences! Very funny and a great setup for intriguing your readers.

    I get a bit lost in the third and fourth paragraphs, because I'm looking for that humor and intrigue but it feels buried. Maybe a bit of cutting down or more direct language in the descriptions will keep up that humorous tone you introduce so well in the first paragraph.

  2. Logline - I love the first sentence. The second could be a bit more intense. Maybe something like- Victory could be the end of everything.

    I like the voice and would read on.

  3. Love the premise - so interesting! I agree with Violet - the first sentence of your tagline is awesome but the second one needs some punch.
    I love the voice in your first page. Great job! The only thing that sounded odd to me was when he called Syd hyper. It seemed out of place. Could you swap it for a different word, perhaps?