Monday, September 10, 2012

Entry #15

 Name: Jeanmarie Anaya
Genre: Contemporary YA
Word count: 78,000 words

Tagline: Crushing on the hottest senior in school who already has the perfect girlfriend is a lose-lose situation for sixteen-year-old artist Abby Wheeler, until a shady frenemy proposes a foolproof plan for attaining the unattainable.

First 250 words:

Ian Koch had no business telling me where to sit. Talk about pissing me off royally.

He lifted one hand, looking like it pained him to wave me over. Great. Front row. As if Global History wasn’t excruciatingly bad enough. I dragged my feet to the chair next to him, then slammed my ass down so hard I was almost paralyzed.

I’ve never liked sitting up front. Aside from looking like a bonafide dork, Mr. Rausch has this charming habit of spitting whenever he’s passionate about war (which, in Global History, is just about every day). And since spit-shields aren’t sold in the school supplies section at Staples, I steer clear of the front row. Hiding somewhere in the middle suits me fine, anyway. It’s a way of life.

“Should we sit at Mr. Rausch’s desk instead?” I tapped my pen on the side of the teacher’s desk. “Maybe do the lesson for him, too, while we’re at it? Just saying.”

Ian smirked. “I didn’t make Dean’s List by hiding in the back of the classroom.”

“I don’t hide.”

“Please. You’re a perpetual hider, have been since kindergarten.”

I scowled. “I have awards, too, you know.”

“Art awards don’t count, sweetheart.”

No less than five minutes into Global Studies and the first stab of a migraine had already pierced my left eyeball. It started at the exact moment I’d shoved my hand into that paper bag and pulled out a slip of paper with Ian Koch’s name scrawled on it.


  1. Love your tagline. Wouldn't change a word.

  2. Looks great. I'm interested. I'm not sure why the student is telling her where to sit, though, and I don't like starting a book feeling a little confused.

  3. sorry, that comment above was me, judy mintz.

  4. Love it! The voice is really good in both the tagline and the first 250. I get an mental image of the MC from the get-go. I'd definitely read more.

  5. I love the tagline. The only word I might snip is the word "artist". I'm not really sure if it's relevant to the stakes that you brilliantly articulate.

    I love the opening dialogue. It really worked with such a strong voice. I love the visual of the teacher spitting. It gave me a flashback of a teacher I had like that. LOL!

    I'd

    Well done!

  6. I love your premise. Your tagline is good. And I like the voice you have going in this. I'd really like to read more!

    (from Laurie, entrant #13)

  7. I've seen this before (in contests) and I always like the premise (and title!) :) I think the tagline works and it looks like a fun read.

    Good luck :)
    Leslie (#2)

  8. Really great tagline! And I think the opening text is nearly flawless as well - I'm really grounded in the setting. I like the first line, although I would like to know a few more details about who Ian is and what his relationship with the narrator is. Maybe a teensy explanation about why she is so ticked at him? And why she goes?

    Great dialogue. I'd love to learn more about these characters. Good luck!