Name: Amanda Foody
Title: RELIC
Genre: YA Fantasy
Tagline: Princess Far struggles to hide the visions from her past
lives and save the very people who will kill her if they learn her secret.
First 250 words:
I’ve died this way before.
Before, I stumbled into the wrong
place at the wrong time. But now, from the burning in the stranger’s eyes, I
know he has every intention of killing me.
I wonder, does he see her too?
Her name is Far. All my life, I
have been haunted by memories. I don’t know about magic or destiny or death.
But they do. There are thousands of memories and dozens of lives trapped inside
me. Or maybe I am trapped inside them.
His footsteps behind me grow
louder. When I try to push myself up from the forest floor, my chest smashes
back to the ground.
The footsteps stop. I hear his
breathing behind me. A heavy inhale. A slow, relaxed exhale. I can’t see him,
but I think he’s smiling.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to
recall how it feels to be stabbed. For once, the memories don’t appear.
Far’s memories are the clearest,
so close to the surface that sometimes I believe they’re my memories. That I am
Far. That she is me.
Of course that can’t be true. Her
tiara is my baseball cap. Her magical tattoos are my tan lines. Her creepy
past-life sketches are my Shia Labeouf posters.
I’m not Far.
I’m not.
But I can’t let it go. I can’t
convince myself that I’m my own, separate person when one crucial piece of
evidence is missing: Far never died.
Your first 250 are very good. Maybe add a hint or two on the how and/or the who with the line, "There are thousands of memories and dozens of lives trapped inside me. Or maybe I am trapped inside them."
ReplyDeleteI am a little confused from the tagline where in time is the story going to take place. It would hook better if you can find a way to show this past/present component.
Really intriguing opening! I'm curious to know how she's come by all these memories and how it is she's died before or if she just has the memory of dying... Also, why this man wants to kill her. And why she's unable to get up (is he pinning her somehow?).
ReplyDeleteI do wonder why she'd deliberately try to remember how it felt to be stabbed - I'd be desperately trying not to remember, personally, because the anticipation of known pain is almost worse than the pain itself. Also, I've heard it often repeated that you want to be careful using real-life celebrities or other such references because fads can change so quickly and it has the ability to date your book.
Well-written, good pacing and tension!
This sounds so good. I definitely want to read it! I noticed in the first sentence, you use before, and the second sentence starts with before, so it kind of drew me out of the story for a second. I also wondered why her chest smashed back to the ground. Was she hurt? Was he stepping on her? I was confused. Otherwise - great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Amanda! So happy to see you here and to get to see a little snippet of your work! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely interested based on the tagline, although once I got into the story I was a little confused - I thought, based on the tagline, that our narrator would *be* Princess Far (which, I think, she is, actually?) but then the narrator talks about Princess Far, and that's where my confusing came in. (Sorry, rambling a bit.)
I was immediately taken by the first line. LOVED it. I love how you set up the scene - although I would like a few more physical details and a better sense of when this takes place.
However, I was jarred out of the present action almost right away with this paragraph: "Her name is Far. All my life, I have been haunted by memories. I don’t know about magic or destiny or death. But they do. There are thousands of memories and dozens of lives trapped inside me. Or maybe I am trapped inside them."
I'd rather be kept in the scene and then given this piece of information later.
I was also somewhat jarred by the Shia Labeouf poster comment - since I had no idea of what time period we were talking about here. This has the feel of "past" to me - I use that term vaguely. :)
Really strong writing. I was pulled in immediately and am really curious about this story. Good luck and keep moving forward, Amanda! :)